WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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