Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
