i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
