Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
