I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
