Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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