Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
