I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
