You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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