just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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