You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
