Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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