I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
