How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
