I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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