I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
