Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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