lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
