high people should be assigned attendants
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
