cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
