a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
