you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
