nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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