Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
