we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
