May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
