Ambien. No doubt about it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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