I look better un-naked...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
