I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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