Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sext me about skeletons
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
