when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
