OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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