every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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