i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize