I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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