Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
