All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
