Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
