Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
how drunk are you?
Several
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