i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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