I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
