Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
