i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
