We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
