imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need a burrito and a hug.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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