She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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