The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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