can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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