im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Congratulations! We have a period
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