My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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