Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
