Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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