Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
