her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I could fuck to npr.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
