THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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