I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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