Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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