my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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