If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize