Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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