I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
