just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
