he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
