Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
