my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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