that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
