just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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