is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
