Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
