"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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