I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
