I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
