who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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