It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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