Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
