I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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