If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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