Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh god it's open bar.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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